New Chapter…

Friday marks my last day as an employee of my company. I am the second one in my department to be laid off due to budget cuts, which means that my small department has now lost 20% of their workforce.

I have been trying to leave this job for well over a year…I’ve been trying to find something that better fit my passions, skills, interests, etc. and I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to “be” in terms of a career. This job was never going to be a career–it was a stepping stone to hopefully move onto different positions within the company…and I have now been here for two years and eight months, not due to lack of trying! 

About three weeks ago, after God continued to close door after door, I had resigned myself to the fact that I needed to just stay put until we had a kid. I moved my office furniture around, dove into projects and was pro-active about taking an extra project on that needed to be done. I was actually enjoying my job for the first time in quite a while because I had DECIDED to enjoy it.

I definitely did not expect what happened last Wednesday to happen. No one did. My bosses were quite upset about it and apologized profusely to me. I was stunned. I felt strangely sad, though I had been praying that God would release me for a long time now, and the only reason that makes sense is this: I didn’t get to leave on MY terms. I didn’t get to give my notice, and it wasn’t for my reasons. This isn’t my choice. My choice was to stay here until the time comes to be a stay-at-home mother, not to be let go because the company is making cuts.

Over the past week I have grappled with this new reality and still have no answers. However, I fully believe that God is completely sovereign and that He loves me deeply. I believe that His ways are far more wise than my own. So I will trust Him and choose to be content.

We are not worried at all–we have no doubt that He will provide for us – He has done it continuously and will do so again and again. I am truly content and am excited to see what comes my way! I’m excited to be able to be at home more to take care of things like planting our vegetable garden, finishing projects that we need to finish, and doing other tasks that need to be done around the house on a regular basis so that Brennan doesn’t have to do as much in the evenings (i.e. yard work now that spring is here). I’m looking forward to whatever temp agency assignments come my way and excited to meet the people who God has planned for me to meet.

Friday begins a new chapter in our lives with no title. No introduction. Nothing written down yet. We’ll just take one day at a time and see where God leads.

Practical Products I Love: eMeals

 

About a year ago we decided to finally try eMeals – a meal planning program that Dave Ramsey endorses as it saves time and money while also simplifying the meal-planning process.

“Food is the biggest budget buster of all. I’ve wanted someone to create a practical solution to the “beans and rice, rice and beans” dilemma. Finally… eMeals has done it! Now thousands of my listeners subscribe to eMeals. You will save a ton of time and money.”

– Dave Ramsey

We used it the past two weeks exclusively for the first time and were SO pleased! Granted, we don’t eat every meal they create simply due to our tastes/likes (i.e. I don’t like fish), but everything that we tried was fantastic!

We’re currently using the “Slow Cooker Clean Eating” plan for two people, and this has saved us SO much time, energy, and money already because we’re only buying what we need, dinner is ready when we get home, and I don’t have to spend extra time planning out what we’re going to cook and what we’ll need to make it. It has also helped because our plan is for two people so the portions are appropriate and we don’t have extra food.

How does it work? Each week you will receive an email with the week’s recipes AND shopping list. They come in .pdf format so that you can keep them forever. Even better–if you have a smart phone, download the eMeals app and it gives you full and easy access to everything; plus, with the app, you can “skip meals” that you won’t use and it modifies the shopping list for you! Brilliant! You can change your plan once a month and there are plenty to choose from.

Click on the banner below for more details and start saving time and money!

Full disclosure: if you sign up with my link I get a small commission (available to all subscribers!) for referring you.

Book Review: Firefly Island by Lisa Wingate

 Firefly Island is an excellent work of fiction, well-worth the read. I couldn’t put it down!

Mallory meets the man of her dreams and their journey together begins in rural Texas, as her husband begins a new job there. Mallory goes from being a D.C. legislative assistant to a housewife who lives on a rural Texas ranch and she has a lot of learning to do about life. As she learns more about the area and more about her husband’s boss, she realizes that there is a lot more to this strange situation than they originally realized, and she begins to play detective to figure it out. Ultimately, she realizes that God placed her there for a reason.

I related to Mallory in so many ways and I immediately connected with her as a character. It was SO hard to stop reading because I was so involved with the story and wanted to know what was going to happen! The character development by the author was incredible and I feel like I know these people and this place.

I highly recommend this. It has touches of romance, mystery, drama, and political action In other words, there is something for everyone!

I received a copy of this book from Bethany House in exchange for my honest review.

Book Review: “Revealing Jesus: A 365-Day Devotional” by Darlene Zschech

 

Darlene Zschech is a woman I have long admired for her song-writing ability and her heart for Jesus that is so apparent through all she writes. Her new devotional, Revealing Jesus, is just as worshipful as any song she’s ever composed!

Each day has a short, yet thought-provoking, devotional accompanied by Scripture and a short prayer at the end. She includes hymn lyrics at the beginning of each month, which I loved because it reminded me of the depth of meaning found in most older hymns.

I haven’t read all 365 yet (didn’t want to rush through!), but the ones that I did read were wonderful, and this will definitely be a book that I read through over and over.

If you’re looking for a fresh devotional to use each day as you spend time with the Lord, I recommend this one highly. It is worshipful, and there is also a worship CD that you can buy that goes along with the book.

I received a copy of this book from Bethany House publishers in exchange for my honest review.

Book Review: “North of Hope: A Daughter’s Arctic Journey”

North of Hope is an incredible, beautifully written journey of grief and healing. The author, Shannon Huffman Polson, retells the tragic story of her father and stepmother’s death in the Arctic, as well as her own personal journey into the Arctic a year later to complete the adventure they never got to finish.

Interwoven between these two tales are stories from her childhood that help bring context to the situation and help draw the reader in with every chapter. She writes so fluidly, so melodically, and each word is carefully chosen to convey the intended meaning.

I connected with the author almost immediately–as a musician, as a Christian, and as a daughter, especially, but also as a traveler myself. I loved the vivid descriptions she gave of her surroundings while in the Arctic and I truly felt like I was there with her. And I felt the depth of her pain in losing her parents, though I’ve never experienced this myself.

This book is powerful, beautiful, and somber. It will cause you to reflect and ponder your own life as you read how the author navigated this tragedy.

Here’s a “trailer” for the book: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeaHKJ0iPIA

I received a copy of this book from Zondervan in exchange for my honest review.

Book Review: “A Woman’s Guide to Reading the Bible in a Year” by Diane Stortz

A Woman’s Guide to Reading the Bible in a Year is a unique guide inspired and developed by a real-life group of women who read through the Bible together year after year.

At the beginning, Diane mentions several possible situations that might describe the reader’s situation in terms of reading through the Bible. The second one unfortunately describes me: “You’ve tried to read through the Bible before, but you gave up in the middle of Leviticus.” Yes, that’s me. I have definitely read the entire Bible, but I’ve never made it through the entire thing in order. But this plan is different–it alternates between Old and New Testament, one book at a time–something I’ve never done before. Each week has an introduction that ties everything you’ll read for the week together. And in one year, you’ll have read the entire Bible.

I love that she gives tips for doing this either individually or with a group of women. Accountability is SO important when trying to achieve any goal!

I have already found this to be helpful, just one week in. I think this way of studying the Bible might be the key for me to read the Bible consistently, and even to get me through Leviticus

I received a copy of this book from Bethany House in exchange for my honest review.

Book Review: Your Beautiful Purpose by Susie Larson

As I read this book, there were numerous moments where I couldn’t help but think “how did you know that about me? Have we met?”

“Your Beautiful Purpose” addresses many common struggles that women secretly face, and Susie’s insight–based on her own experience and God’s Word–is simply incredible. She tackles topics such as fear of rejection, comparison of ourselves to others, and believing in God’s purposes for our lives.

While there were so many moments that I loved in the book, there were a few that amazed me because of how applicable they are to my current stage in life. This was one of them:

Maybe you’re in a job that’s all wrong for you, but God has you in that place for a reason. He’s using you, changing you, building a gritty perseverance in you, and giving you a new sense of His heart for the hard-to-love in your midst. What do you do? You submit and obey until He tells you differently (pg. 84).

I loved that her questions at the end of each chapter weren’t just surface questions, not questions to move quickly through. Rather, her questions bring the reader back to Scripture to see God’s Truth and to ponder His Word.

I know that I needed to read this book because it addressed several of my current struggles. Maybe it will do the same for you!

I received a copy of this book from Bethany House in exchange for my honest review.

Book Review: “Congo Dawn” by Jeanette Windle

When I started reading this book earlier this week I had no idea that I would finish it so quickly (465 pages). I had no idea that I’d be so drawn into the characters and the storyline that developed. I couldn’t stop reading it!

Congo Dawn is an incredible story that, though it is entirely fictional, teaches so much about the history and culture of the Congo. The story follows a former Marine in her experience as a contracted employee of an international corporation on a mission to secure a mine in the rainforest of the Congo. As she learns more and more about her new boss, she is faced with many moral choices that are not easy to make. She also encounters people from her past that she never expected to see again, and that brings up emotions and raises questions from her past that were never answered. Throughout the book, God’s love and forgiveness are shown to her through the people she meets and she learns how to let go of the hate that has governed so many of her decisions in the past.

The book also deals with the ever-present question of “how a good God could allow suffering” and the discussion was strong and compelling.

My only dislike was the author’s constant use of a major writing pet-peeve of mine–incomplete sentences. Other than that, I found the book to be incredible and well-worth reading. She is an excellent writer and I will definitely be picking up more of her books in the future.

I received a copy of this book from Tyndale in exchange for an honest review.

New Perspective…Part One.

So, something occurred to me in the past twenty-four hours that just might be an answer to a long-standing prayer of mine. Maybe. It’s at least getting me closer to understanding the “why” of my jobs, past and present. I have split this into two blog posts because it’s far too much for one post.

First, some background:

In 2001, I was ready to take on the world. I wanted to be the governor of California someday, with every intention of being my friend’s vice-president in 2028 (we even had a website!). High-profile aspiration is an understatement.

That’s how I saw myself: working in politics to change our country for the better, and everyone would know my name and how awesome I was. I wanted to feel important, to feel admired, to feel respected because of my capabilities, talents, and brilliance. In one word: pride.

Over the next few years I interned with Newt Gingrich in Washington, D.C. (2003), I worked on (and ran) several campaigns, attended the 2005 Presidential Inauguration (and a ball) and was even on ABC for thirty-seconds. I attended campaign training at President Reagan’s ranch in Santa Barbara and was pictured in TIME Magazine with the rest of the training group. I was on my way…or so I thought.

Fast-forward to 2007: Two years past graduation and I was still living in Southern California (not my plan). I kept trying to get back to D.C. but doors just would not open. Instead, I was working for a financial company fixing tax returns all day long–completely low-profile–along with doing youth ministry at my church (nearly full-time for a while). I eventually became content (but not fully happy) in the tax job and even tried to move into management, to no avail. Even though my bosses said I was the perfect candidate for management, I continued to be passed over for promotions, and it didn’t make sense to any of us. But, it was a good job so I remained there.

In December 2007, I felt God urging me to pray for discomfort. My faith had grown stagnant and I was desperate for a change. He brought to my attention all of the accounts in the Bible of people who grew tremendously through trials and discomfort (and never through times of prosperity or easy living)…

…so I did it. I began praying for the next year that God would make me uncomfortable in order for me to become more like Jesus. God definitely delivered. 2008 was one of the toughest years of my life thus far, and I never DREAMED of what God would call me to do/lead me through. From the spiritual struggles to the physical (pneumonia), He used that year to the fullest to mold and shape me. I knew it would be a challenging year (I could probably write a book), but I never dreamed of the growth and transformation that would take place by surrendering to God’s plan and letting go of my own.

The biggest change was my move to Pennsylvania. I had been contemplating this for many years but kept trying to do things my way and nothing ever worked out. I visited PA in October 2007 and during that trip I realized that I didn’t want to live in Southern California anymore, at all. The realization even brought me to tears one day.

I began praying that God would allow me to move to PA, and I prayed for six months before I felt an answer from the Lord. He said that I could stay or go, and that He would use me wherever I was. That was a huge lesson in itself, realizing that sometimes God allows us to make decisions and that sometimes there is no “right” answer.

I moved to Harrisburg, PA on July 31, 2008 knowing only two people in the city, having no job, and having very little money. I chose Harrisburg because of it being the center of Pennsylvania politics. I worked through a temp agency for awhile until obtaining a job with a lobbying firm–which I thought was PERFECT! This was it–my door into the political arena!

Boy, was I wrong. Looking back, I firmly believe that God allowed me to have that position for a year to show me that He did NOT want me in politics. It was a terrible year–the job was a terrible fit and I was so miserable in that role. I saw a side of politics that I had never seen before and I was completely disillusioned. I was let go on 09/09/09 and the joy that I felt was indescribable! Most people aren’t happy after being fired (or, in my case, “forced to quit”), but I felt all the heaviness that had weighed on my heart disappear and I felt so free.

From there, I was unemployed for a year, and that year was an incredible gift to me. I watched as God provided faithfully for me and I was able to pay my rent until April 2010, when I moved in with Brennan’s aunt and uncle until our wedding. I was able to focus on church planting and mission trips, and I was so joy-filled through it all. I got engaged during this time, so this also allowed me to focus on wedding plans/marriage. God’s provision was constant, and though it was a humbling year, I learned to accept help from others and to not be proud.

I worked for a temp agency as much as possible (talk about humbling), and in June 2010 I began working part-time for a consulting firm (huge blessing). In September 2010 I obtained a second part-time job (my current role) and was finally working full-time again. I learned more during that year of unemployment than I thought possible! It was a humbling and faith-filled year.

That brings me to today…I have been in my current role for two and a half years. I have never been recognized or thanked for my work by my supervisor. I do work that a high school student could do. I have never had a raise (and I don’t make much to begin with). I do not use my very expensive, hard-earned bachelor’s degree. I go most days completely unnoticed by my co-workers (and have NEVER been asked to join them for lunch when they go out). My gifts and talents go by the wayside as I watch the clock day by day, waiting for 3:00pm to arrive so that I can do things that actually matter. I feel completely unappreciated and overlooked. I have applied for and even interviewed for MANY jobs during this time period, but God has not opened any other doors. So I have remained here, despite how miserable I tend to be here.

Even my role as a relief houseparent at MHS is largely a “thankless” job (from the students themselves, not from the supervisors or the houseparents…students aren’t going to thank you for disciplining them, haha). Don’t get me wrong–I LOVE it, and it’s highly rewarding to help these students make decisions and learn lessons! My point is that they don’t care about the fact that I’m intelligent, a great musician/vocalist; they don’t really care that I am a good photographer, or that I was once in TIME Magazine. They just want to be fed (they are middle school boys, after all ), entertained, and kept safe. Above all, they want to be loved.

So why has God been allowing me to go through these things? I think I’ve determined His reasons…

To be continued…

New Perspective…Part Two.

(See part one here…)

Yesterday, as I was talking with a dear friend about her potential job opportunities (very prestigious and impressive jobs for which she is perfectly suited), all of the above-mentioned things started to run through my head. As I listened to her speak, I realized that I, too, long to be admired for what I can do–for my God-given gifts and abilities, for what I worked so hard to accomplish in college/post-college. I long to be known as someone who “did something” with her life, whatever that even means. I, too, tend to put my value and self-worth in my career, in how people view me, and what I’ve done, which explains so much about why I have felt so miserable in recent jobs. That hasn’t changed since 2001.

But you know what has changed? In the past year, my desire to be a mother (a stay-at-home one, at that) has increased exponentially (considering that I never saw myself doing that, it wasn’t hard for it to increase drastically). I have come to realize that raising children to love Jesus and to be productive members of society is the greatest possible career that I could ever have. What a stark contrast to how I felt even one year ago.

And last night, it became very clear that God has used the circumstances of the past few years to prepare me for being a mom (No, this is not a pregnancy announcement ). From what I hear, being a mother is often a “thankless” job as you continuously and often sacrificially serve your children. Someday, they might recognize the amazing job you did to prepare them for life and to take care of them, but humans are naturally born selfish. They aren’t going to say “thanks, mom, for changing my diaper so that I don’t get diaper rash” or “thanks, mom, for staying up all night with me when I was sick”…that’s just how it goes. They don’t care how accomplished you are and they certainly aren’t going to marvel over your talents. Being a mother is going to require humility, sacrifice, unconditional love, and lots of grace…and I know now that I am much better equipped for motherhood because of the circumstances of the past few years.

Much of the past twelve years makes so much sense now. I was in desperate need of humility, and God brought circumstances into my life to teach me how to be humble. I wish I had been a faster learner! Haha. Not that I’m completely humble–definitely not. But, given where I was in 2001, I have come a long way and my perspective has completely changed. I was so unaware of the grip that pride was holding on my life!

I now view the word “rewarding” completely differently. It no longer means being recognized and praised–it means offering recognition and praise expecting nothing in return, all for the benefit of others.

So, now I have something new to embrace, and something hard with which to grapple. God doesn’t want me to be “famous”–He wants me to make disciples, including my own future children.

I need to remind myself constantly that it doesn’t matter what the world thinks of me, and it doesn’t matter if they notice how “awesome” I might happen to be…

What matters is that I live my life according to the Gospel, and that I share it with others at every opportunity.

What matters is that I find ways to use my God-given gifts and talents to further the Kingdom of God, especially within my own household, without doing it selfishly or for recognition.

What matters are the eternal things, not the temporal.

What matters is that my value and self-worth come from God alone and not from anything that I have done or will do.